Travelling in the kid’s section

I COULD very well get into trouble saying what I’m about to say.

And part of me thinks I shouldn’t feel it – let alone say it. But I’m also fairly certain that I’m not alone.

(Does that make it okay?)

I miss my BC life (before children). It’s silly really. My husband took them to the granny flat to watch videos just last night so I could work in peace and I missed them. Painfully.

They were in the backyard, for crying out loud. But the silence was terrible. It was like an alien planet – my house sans children. Quiet, empty, dispirited.

And less than 24 hours later (admittedly after looking through a single friend’s travel photos – hi Kelly!) I’m filled with a different kind of longing.

I wish I’d eaten out more, not got takeaway and gone home. I wish I’d sat quietly in libraries, book stores, cafes, for hours and hours and hours… until I never wanted to see inside them again (bit like what I did to nightclubs). Until the cafe’s friendly waitress thought I was creepy and the owner asked me to leave.

I wish I’d walked everywhere. No purse, no phone, no keys, , no dog on a lead, nothing. I read somewhere of a woman’s keen to desire to walk and swing her arms and I rejoiced – that’s exactly what I want! (It’s about here you’re either thinking I’m weird or going “YES! YES!”). To walk without someone stopping me and pulling on me to be picked up. To walk without an enormous bag full of wipes and lists and nappies and bandaids and disinfectant and dead flowers my son gave me, without the kids’ bags and the toy they won’t go anywhere without. To walk without a pram, a trolley, a bike that needs to be pushed (and that stupid handle to save your back has broken).

In fact, since this revelation that I just want to swing my arms, I’m quite dedicated to it. On the rare chances I get, I swing with utter abandon. I hope I look like one of those fair maidens flitting through a field in golden sunlight, but I probably look more like cro-magnon man who first stood up straight. Grunting in delight.

I also wish I’d seen much more of this globe before I had children. Like so many, I swore that children would become part of my adventure. Not stop it in its tracks.

And I’ve tried valiantly to stay true to that. But the logistics are stymying. In my defence we’ve managed Bali with two children. It’s a start. And my plans for Peru remain, but what’s the sense in dragging young children over Incan ruins? They won’t get it. Much better to wait until they’re learning history, can understand the beauty, the significance, of their surrounds.

Besides a flight THAT long with little kids? Um, no thanks.

So I plot and plan a lot for the future. Of globe-trotting with my fam. And who knows, perhaps I’ll cherish it all the more for the waiting, for the chance to experience it two-fold through mine and my children’s eyes.

But till then I sit and look at my friends sitting in various diners, pubs, cafes, etc, in some far-flung country and imagine I was there.

** Hi kids, aged teen or 20s (undoubtedly the age you’ll be when you’re curious about how your mum feels about you and start reading my awkward blogging), please don’t be offended. I wouldn’t change a single thing. It’s like when you’re offered a chance to go to the water park and then Fireman Sam comes on the TV… you want to do both. But you have to choose. I would choose you guys every single time!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cheryse Durrant
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 03:27:34

    Feeling for you, P. Wait until they’re teens and they travel the world with you!

    Reply

  2. Joanne
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 06:47:54

    You’re not alone Peta, I feel the same way sometimes, particularly the travelling part 🙂

    Reply

  3. marketingtomilk
    Oct 24, 2011 @ 18:15:14

    I’d love to meander, just for a while, on a lazy autumn afternoon.

    M2M

    Reply

  4. Ree LittleOzTravlrs (@LittleAusTravlr)
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 11:07:21

    Oh you are SO not alone on this! Right now, as I type this, all the kids are sleeping, I tried unsuccessfully to convince hubby to turn the TV down so I couldn’t hear “Blokesworld” in the background and I’ve closed the door to the office, just so I can have some QUIET! No dog at my feet, cat on my lap, children asking for food or drinks, or annoying TV Shows (although I can still faintly hear it so he obviously didn’t take my hint lol)
    It can be so overwhelming being a mum, and yep, like you I would chose mummyhood every.single.time! But that doesn’t mean to say that I don’t wish I’d done some things differently either, I guess most people probably feel that way, maybe??
    I wish I’d been more independent, a bit braver to be who I was, sat in cafe’s with girlfriends, (nightclubbed less), joined a writing group, and just felt my feet on the earth and breathed in, like I do now, but when it was just me, so I had time to explore it by myself, to really connect when I was just myself, not a mum, wife, (slave?) lol. Most of all I wish I’d have realised just how much I would miss my grandparents, and taken just a little more time to learn their stories, sit and talk and absorb their brilliance.
    But, all in all, I know plenty of people around me who don’t have what we have, heck they don’t even SEE what we have, because it’s not about things, it’s about the little people by our sides, and as much as they stress me beyond belief on days like today, and I’m locked away in a cone of silence right now, I still am so glad for the path I’ve taken 🙂

    Reply

    • petajo
      Nov 04, 2011 @ 11:26:11

      You’re speaking my language Loreena… I’m typing this with a two-year old passed out in my arms (so I feel you about having space to explore). But I wouldn’t have it any other way either. And I’m just about crazy enough to want more! x

      Reply

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