Don’t read this… no, really… well, don’t say I didn’t warn you

I’M just a little tired, so you’ll have to excuse me if I a) finish a sentence in asdffffjklllllk;ljjjjjjjjjjjjjjj because my head hit the keyboard; b) take some weird tangent that goes from supermarket etiquette to changes in federal law; c) start crying.

I didn’t do my usual Monday rant, nor my Random Words on Wednesday and, since there are issues surrounding the camera, there’s most likely not going to be Foto Finish tomorrow either. Sorry. But as your consolation prize, I give you… this half-hearted attempt at blogging when I’d rather not blog.

First though, let me justify myself.

I sat for four hours on the weekend, behind a desk, childless, bookless, pen and pad-less. I did this deliberately. Tempting as it is to have four solid hours of writing or reading, I knew no sales would be made – lest the passing public disturb my apparent creative process. So I sat, smiling politely, talking to various people and selling a couple of books.

I also took the time to think.

Thinking about what I wanted out of life, out of this little creative endeavour (the book and the blog). You’d think in four hours (only broken up with a handful of conversations and one was just someone wanting to borrow my pen – always good sign when you’re so busy at your book SIGNING that you can hand your only pen over for someone else to use)  that I’d have made some headway on what it is I want.

Nope.

In my head, I”m still stuck behind that desk, smiling inanely, letting my thoughts splash around in the shallow end but make no real strokes towards dry land. Still waiting for a master stroke or, as Oprah would call it, my a-ha moment.

I don’t know why I bother with such illusive concepts when I’m tired. It’s like wrestling with ghosts. And I almost always do it when I’m tired (which is all the time, lately).

Obviously, I want the book to be a best-seller. Loathe as I am to determine a creative endeavour’s success by fiscal terms, a small cult following (probably just family and friends) won’t pay the bills. And no following at all… well, let’s just start hocking furniture now, shall we? That said, I’ll continue to write a second whether I make more than $16 or not. It’s too firmly stuck in my subconscious to not be scribbled out on paper.

As for the blog, I started it as a way to showcase my skills Before I Had Kids in the hopes that a newspaper or magazine would pick me up and I could continue my much-loved column writing. Four years later, and I’m still “showcasing”. But in the interim, I stumbled into the cyber-metropolis that is the mummy blogging community. I love it and fear it in equal measure.

And it certainly makes me feel like a Staind song: “I’m on the outside, I’m looking in…”

Hmm, think you just met my Fatigue-Induced Tangent.

Anyway, these days I see this site less as a sample of my columns and more of a bridge from my career as a journalist to my career (she says boldly… then yawns) as a writer.

But I’ve reached an impasse. Where to from here? I have a variety of ideas: travel stories focusing on the beautiful region in which I live or a sociological experiment where I use old-school etiquette tips for wives in my modern-day scenario and share the repercussions online.

Okay, that’s two ideas. Not exactly a “variety”.

So I’m handing it over to you… what would you like to see on PetaJo.com? Less complaints about tiredness, I’m guessing. But be a little bit more inventive than that. Post comments … nnnnnnNOW!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jentbrave
    May 26, 2011 @ 06:49:17

    i like everything you write – so you can’t go wrong with just increasing the number of times you blog … (that sounds a bit gross).
    I would also read travel stories (if they included fictional characters or personal insights), short story bursts based on your central core of ‘feral’ characters, more mummy/wife blogging, a blog through the eyes of your dog, a collaboration with your graphically minded husband kral using your words and his pictures …

    i could go on.

    remember, you’re awesome!

    jen x

    Reply

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