Ready or not, here it comes

THE last time I wrote something that had no purpose, lacked flow and seemed pointless, my boss asked my supervisor if I was “on something”.

This blog is going to be similar.

Sorry.

I’ve been reading everyone’s homages to 2011 – unbridled optimism and resolution fortitude – that has left me exhausted. I am not ready for 2011. In fact, I’m not ready for much these days.

Since Christmas, floods and more floods, my mood has matched the weather. Grey with intermittent threats of rumbling. And with my flagging attitude, even my children’s usually good (enough) behaviour has slipped into a culvert somewhere.

At Playgroup last week, one child’s behaviour warranted a couple of time-outs and stern lectures. Perhaps my lecture was too stern, or perhaps I had marched them to the corner too forcefully, but the parent of the child that mine had just terrorised, took it upon herself to give my child constructive activity and then heap on the praise.

My mummy ego is still bruised.

Had I been so shit that intervention was needed? Apparently so, and it doesn’t stop with my parenting. I’m also a sloppy sub-editor. One of my headlines warranted pouty emails to the upper echelons of our company to see I was suitably reprimanded. Hands up who wants to tell The Man where they can put their job?

Fortunately (actually, that should be unfortunately), the day I was due to have knuckles rapped was the day my daughter scalded herself at the park and I couldn’t work. And after that, my supervisor went on leave, so I’m guessing that “talking to” will be out of sight, out of mind.

Still, my subbing ego has also sustained some superficial injuries. (Superficial becomes that kind of crap comes with the job).

I’m sure publicising my shortcomings is not going to do me any favours, but I hope in doing so I can put them behind me and move onto a promising 2011. That’s the premise anyway. The idea came as I watched an ant struggling over the long grass of our lawn, dragging a dead bug in tow unaware of the angry thunderstorm building above him, and realised that life marches on whether we’re ready or not.

My book is being published this year – in a couple of months in fact – so I need to overcome this emotional obstacle and get Excited. Of course that’s hard when the people you need to deal with have a) no idea where Queensland is, let alone the fact it’s about one-third under water right now or b) have floodwaters through their office.

And not just the book. I want to be ON this year. Not more of the same “am I happy here?”, “should I become a legit-SAHM?”, “what am I doing with my life?” quagmire I seem to immerse myself in. I want to be Mrs Dynamo (not the washing powder). I want to not just be inspired, but inspire others. To pitch in and get involved (this stems from a frustrating inability to physically do anything to help the amazing Ipswich community). To dance like Beyonce.

Yeah, I said that. It’s impossible to be down when you’re shaking your ass like that… so I’ve heard.

I’ve been reading far too much woe and internalising issues that aren’t my own and I need to remember it’s not just me I’m bringing down anymore.

I know that wonderful things are going to come my way – and I even know, deep down, that I’ll return to my usual optimistic self in the near future. But it’s hard when you can dedicate little time to working through your troubles and then find solutions.

Bits and pieces of ideas and resolutions come to me at various intervals during the day… from “If I had wet wipes in every room, I could clean things when I go in to check on the kids” to outstanding ideas for my second novel. Okay, good ideas, at least.

Anyway, here’s my list (flying by the seat of my pants here… I’m bound to want to revise it):

1) Put wet wipes in every room (well, I was already thinking of it)

2) Start treating my writing like a business and allocate specific times to write.

3) Finish reading “Raising Boys” and start reading “Taming Toddlers” because obviously I no longer have all the answers.

4) Reaffirm a distinct discipline routine instead of the hodge-podge of smacks, time-outs, yelling, toy confiscation that has become discipline in our house.

5) Be consistent with my blog entries and start to garner an income from it.

6) Add three new dishes to weekly shop (already started this and am delighted to find a pumpkin dish I like – spinach and pumpkin lasagna, who knew?!).

7) Volunteer somewhere the kids can be involved. A community garden or the like.

8) Interview mums for my blog – consider yourself forewarned Mums that I know!

9) No needless spending until after book launch (I’ve actually started this one, it not only means more books will be available to buy on the day, but when I can’t spend money, I lose weight (since I usually want to buy chocolate croissants).

10) Walk and bike ride more. Was actually considering spending one entire week not using the car, just to see what that’s like but it’s so stinking hot, or raining, that I’m bound to pass out by the roadside one day. And then the ants will come.

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