Oprah wishes she was me!

Has she visited a cane field yet? P-Jo's recommendation for Oprah's Aussie tour.

 

OPRAH is in the country – or COUNTRRRRRAAAAYYYYY! – as she is wont to say. I’m trying to uber-cool about not stalking the Big O (didn’t that sound incredibly inappropriate!) but I can’t help watching the news for her reactions to our people, our flies, our Uluru and more.

I think it stems from a playground obsession to be best friends with the Popular Girl. She’s got influence, money, celebrity friends… why wouldn’t you want her to  be your new bestie?

Since I can’t follow Oprah and her entourage around the country, I thought I’d do the next best thing – daydream about Oprah coming to my house.

Of course, her crew would be there early to set up the cameras inside to appropriately capture my “surprise” and horror when I realise I’m being broadcast around the world withOUT makeup.

After that, I’d hope the following would happen: she’d know about my impending book release and (somehow) have already enjoyed a copy, telling me her favourite bits but also getting to discuss the “real grit” of life in regional Queensland, perhaps identifying with my struggle to graduate from university in order to “make it”.

“You wouldn’t believe the number of sandwiches I had to make to get me through uni, Oprah!” (I worked at Subway).

After that, she’ll look at my couch (paint splattered on it and with an actual mouse-hole… perhaps I’ve said too much?) and tell me to look in the truck outside… waiting inside is the new $3000 couch I’ve had my eye on (complete with the $1500 chaise that comes as an option), plus a new fridge (since ours cost another $70 to keep running last week).

Of course she can’t just give me whitegoods and furniture because I wrote a blog about it, so her producers will have to look into a) the time I saved a two-year old from being crushed by a conference table. Never mind I was heavily pregnant. I can move, baby! or b) my never-say-die, keep-dreaming mantra that’s behind my debut novel (very The Secret of me) or c) the fact I’m just a regular mummy working from home, writing stuff and trying to brighten people’s days with my … *insert appropriate description here… words.

If she chose c, then she’d need to look up my fans (ha, I used a plural!) She’d have to look up Jen T Brave and fly her up here to see me and we can hug and giggle like we haven’t seen each other in years (save for that time a couple of months ago when she got married.)

Maybe O-P-P (yeah, you know me), will even want to spend a day in the life of Peta-Jo. In which case, she can scrape the egg that’s hardened on the kids’ melamine plates, go over the floors with the mop a couple of times, take the dog to the park for a run, change a few dirty bums, bank that cheque I keep forgetting to bank, send Grandad his Christmas present… hmm. She better get here soon, if she wants to do all this before the shops shut (we also need some milk).

Being stuck inside my head is very fulfilling some days.

Okay, so Oprah would've needed to be here in August to count among the privileged few to attend Jen T Brave's wedding, but don't you love my Photoshop skills?

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Wanderlust
    Dec 14, 2010 @ 19:36:06

    You have some serious photoshop skilz there girl!

    Thanks for your comment on my post. I’m not sure how that came up in your reader, as that’s an old one from back in August, but I had a couple of people comment on it yesterday so I’m wondering if it got sent out again for some reason. I read your friend’s column — very moving. Thanks for the link.

    I hope you enjoy your new couch. Very well deserved. 😉

    Reply

    • petajo
      Dec 15, 2010 @ 04:36:05

      Someone mentioned the problem of Oprah waving a white hand in front of her face and I thought ‘that’s the least of her problems’, her fingers are square for starters and I think I cut off her ear!

      Glad you liked Heids column – there are some pretty moving ones there and my hat goes off to hers (and yours) complete and utter honesty.

      Reply

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