No butts… especially at Mass

I MUST apologise for disrupting Saturday evening’s Mass at St Mary’s.

Shock, horror – I know. A good girl like me disrupting a church service? The nerve.

But I swear, it was unintentional.

It seems you cannot go shopping, dig a garden trench, plant some shrubs and attend a two-hour Easter service when all you have eaten are three rolls of sushi.

Well, you can. But you may end up passed out in between the pews like one hapless reporter did last weekend.

It was a longer service than normal: we had lit the Paschal candle, seen people baptised and then make their confirmation.

My partner was privy to much of the Catholic practices that he’d never seen before.

Probably why his first thought was – when I tried to head butt the people in front – it was just part of our practice.

Thankfully, when my eyes rolled back in my head, he didn’t think I’d been “touched by God” but was about to collapse.

He and my mother – in town to celebrate Easter and support fainting children – tried to lift me off the kneeling bench and onto the pew.

Nearby parishioners helped out while I dreamt I was at the show.

Seriously. I was on this ride that was shaking a bit too much.

Turns out it was just me chucking a fit – literally.

My last coherent thought was: “I think I’m going to faint” followed by the swift reprimand “don’t be such a drama queen”.

Then down I went.

Not my finest moment but I did wake up to a glorious view of the cathedral ceiling.

So, I’d like to thank the man who helped my partner get me off the floor, the nurse and doctor who came to my attention and the person who brought me a cup of cordial.

And, of course, my most red-faced apologies to any who were head-butted.




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